the campaign trail continues.

canepariforpresident.

this time i blazed a trail along the Atlantic.

boston.

newport.

D.c.

and my personal favorite…

sherryville, virginia.

i shook hands.

i hugged friends.

i photographed most of what i ate.

please punch the chad all the way through as we’d hate to have to recount.

i didn’t bother trying for this guy’s vote.

rhode island’s a small state anyways.

not worth my time, i thought.

plus he seemed preoccupied with his windbreaker.

what’s the girl’s name from The Ring?

you know the one…

she hops out of a TV and facemelts the competition?

are oysters the least marketable food of all time?

“they taste better if you don’t chew”

i was watching a documentary about eating competitions

and one guy named “mad dog” said he ate 75 oysters in under 6 minutes…

forgive my nasty mind,

but the only thing i wanted to know was…

what happened next?

birds don’t vote anyways.

saw family in newport.

a party ensued.

little little sister sophia rose

aka rosebud aka arie rosenthal aka rosyrose

is 10!!!

i admit my gifts were cheap and selfishly bought.

but for a minute of intense joy,

they were a hit.

but that minute only lasted until the cake arrived.

then my dad made a political speech.

like most republicans,

he mostly just slung mud.

here is a fruitcake.

it symbolizes the moshpit of confusion that is the american diet.

is it a breakfast food?

is it a dessert?

is it food?

here is an american flag.

it used to symbolize four hundred years of ethnic confusion and a shit load of money.

it now symbolizes loud voices, confused eating habits and bad credit.

here is the washington monument.

it symbolizes a gigantic penis laughing at God.

he who shall not be named is in there right now.

damn.

i never thought i’d say it but…

virginia is a beautiful place.

deer and diners.

done and deal.

2 lambchops.

2 eggs sunny up.

forever.

in big blue neon lights the door said,

“BEER ROOM”

and in tiny red neon letters below,

it said,

“and some wine…”

virginia!

that’s sam shrager.

he just got married.

shragerlovesbagels4eva.

don’t forget to vote.